you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
