Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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