So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
