And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
