I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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