So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We got so high we made milksteak
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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