im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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