Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
