Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
