thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
