Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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