So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
