Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
