Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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