i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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