It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
