I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize