So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
