I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
did you just send me my own nude
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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