Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
