I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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