Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she woke up with a sticky ear
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
