She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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