are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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