i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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