Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
