You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
