Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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