Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
