everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize