all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
