that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
