New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize