hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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