oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
