I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
