i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
