I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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