My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
