i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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