So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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