NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
