Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
