my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
