The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
