if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
