I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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