We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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