There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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