Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
