It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
