Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
