girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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