i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
