I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
