i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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