Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
