whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
