Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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