im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
