you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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