Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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