FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
