It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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