My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize