Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
