I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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