He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
