Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how drunk are you?
Several
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
