my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
