if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
