The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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