He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
