i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
